I am a person who gets bored easily–with clothes, coffee flavors, people & places, stages of my life. I leave rooms too soon when nothing interesting is happening instead of waiting out the quiet for a shared moment to emerge. I flip channels like a cheetah and throw half-read books back on the shelf without giving the ending a chance. I love change and I lash out at the people I love when I feel smothered by the mundane and cloistered in the ordinary. An admitted self-help junkie, I’m always on the search for the next best book, blog, news article, diet, or daily planner that will make me happier, healthier, or prettier. Everyday I yearn for something new and inspiring to keep me on my toes, because without constant excitement and improvement, I feel disenchanted by my own existence.
Unfortunately, life isn’t always a highlight reel of sepia-tone adventures, and coming home from a fulfilling semester in Europe to an uneventful summer in suburban Connecticut could not have been a bigger wake up call for my satiation-craving heart. Leaving behind a time in my life when every day was a new adventure, I quickly became bored when I moved back into my childhood home to drag my feet through three months of the same old uninspired routines that choked up my mornings and evenings. As much as I love silence when it means solitude, reflection, and an escape from small-talk conversations, I absolutely hate when there are moments of quiet in the happenings of my life. Silence isn’t a part of my five-year plan; there’s no route I drew on my road map that says “nothing will happen May-August of 2018.” And it comes up as an unexpected detour sign while I’m on my merry way, it shakes me up. I don’t sit well with silence in my life; I start questioning every decision I’ve ever made and I start getting anxious over ones I won’t even have to make for another few years. I start becoming distant in my faith and shouting “Where are you?” at God, hoping to hear His voice break the stagnant stillness.
It’s easy to praise God when we’re overjoyed with the excitement of new relationships, reunited friendships, diets that actually work, and projects that start off strong. It’s easy to praise God when the stage lights are shining over us and the audience is roaring & clapping for our star performance. But eventually the curtain comes down, the lights shut off, and if we’re not ready to embrace the silence, we find ourselves calling out into the darkness of an empty auditorium, “God…? Are You still there?”
Oftentimes, God is doing His work behind the scenes, and we just don’t notice because we’re only interested in what’s happening on the stage where we can act out thrilling scenes, display our talents, and catch bouquets tossed by our adoring fans. We’re so involved in the performance that we neglect to notice everything God is doing backstage to make it happen.
If you feel trapped in a period of stillness in your life–if your plans didn’t work out, if your latest and greatest idea fell through the cracks, if you haven’t met someone new in months, or you haven’t found a reason to get out of bed in weeks–do not be discouraged. Your life still has meaning and purpose even if it isn’t exciting enough to be featured on your Instagram story. God has not abandoned you in this stage; He is not ignoring you, and His silence does not mean He’s taking a break from you. He’s just getting ready for the next scene.
Prayer:
Dear God,
My life is moving slowly and I’m wondering where You are right now. I feel stuck in the stillness of my failed plans and crashing expectations; I feel trapped in the mundane & the ordinary. I’m bored with this part of my journey and I feel like I’m not living up to my full potential. Please help me to embrace this season of silence and to trust that You are at work in my life even though it feels stagnant. Teach me not to thrive on the instant gratification of success and accomplishment, but to grow in patience as I wait to discover Your plan for me. As I ride the waves–whether they are big or small–I know You are with me.
Amen.
Songs suggestions (linked):
In the Silence – Sarah Kroger
Oceans – Hillsong UNITED
Revelations 